If you polled any group of people, I am sure you would find adolescence as being among the most painful times in their lives. In fact, for a lot of people it is at the top of the list. No one would argue against it being a horrible phase and I don't trust anyone who would want to go back to it.
During all of my positions in schools over the past few years, I have witnessed a lot of adolescent pain. It is something that I have a lot of trouble with. For me, middle school was pretty rough. I had some outlets and enjoyed certain aspects of it, but overall, it was definitely among the worst times in my life. There is the combination of starting to understand and feel what it is to be an adult mixed in with the lack of control of childhood. So arbitrary rules are created. Kids become mean and if you don't want to play whatever is decided to be the correct game, you will be ostracized.
As a teacher, it is easy to forget all the crap that students deal with in middle school. We're focused on them "behaving" in class and playing by our own set of rules. Sometimes the individual gets lost in the desire to have a well-functioning class. I've seen it quite a few times as those students tend to reach out to a kind person who isn't really involved in the rest of the current game. As the substitute, I sometimes can give them a little of what they're missing.
The main way I do this is by talking to the students. It sounds so simple, but you'd be amazed at how infrequently teachers just talk to their students. I take advantage of the small downtimes and chat instead of checking my email or reading over lesson plans. Of course, sometimes when I'm really teaching, I do have to read stuff to prepare. But whenever I have a moment, I talk to the students. I find out a lot this way and they get to know some interesting things about me as well. We've talked about food, pets, piercings, movies -- you name it. So the students start to feel comfortable with me and I sometimes hear about the things that trouble them. If I can do something about it, I try to, but often there's little that I can do. And then I just ache for them.
On Wednesday, my last day at the one assignment, I witnessed a student in a lot of pain. As I mentioned before, this job had me sitting in and helping out various classes. In this Social Studies class, the students were starting what would be a weekly current events assignment. They needed to find an article and fill out a worksheet. They had handed in their first attempt at this a few days prior to Wednesday. One student didn't know that she was supposed to print out the article to go with the worksheet. She wanted to print it out right then, so I told her to ask the teacher. The teacher told her that it was okay for this first time but in the future she had to bring the article.
Another day before Wednesday the student tried to hand in the article to go with her worksheet. Unfortunately, it was at a bad time when the teacher was talking about something else. So she was told to sit down. I had another class with the student as well and was starting to get a good sense of her character. She really wanted to do well but has trouble understanding the differing variables in situations. She is one of those students who stands up to sharpen her pencil when the teacher is talking to the whole class. When she had to get to her next class, that was what she had to do. In her mind, there was no time to see her teacher to talk about the article.
So on Wednesday, they got their assignments back. This student got a bunch of points taken off because she didn't have the article. She raised her hand to ask about it, but was only told that she needed to have the article with the worksheet. A couple students raised their hands and told the teacher that she had said it was okay the first time. She apparently did not remember and said it didn't sound like her. They continued to try to persuade her and I nodded my head in agreement with them. However, she didn't look at me and ended up dropping it.
The student was really upset and mumbling to herself about having her dad print the article. She was in the back of the room and I was right near her, so I went over and whispered how the grade would even out with all the other assignments she would do. But at that point she was crying and beyond consoling. I asked her if she wanted to sign out and go to the bathroom. She responded, "only if I don't have to come back." Sigh..
But she did come back and managed to make it through the rest of the class. I went back and forth in my head about what to do. I could talk to the teacher after class and tell her what had happened. But then the student wouldn't learn how to stand up for herself. So when they were packing up to leave, I asked the student if she wanted to talk to the teacher. I told her that I had heard her saying that it was okay to not have the article the first time and that I would go with her. But unfortunately the damage had already been done and she felt that it wasn't worth it.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, one assignment is not the end of the world. But the teacher did a real disservice to herself. By not stopping and thinking about what was going on, she showed the class that she really didn't care what they had to say. It wasn't as if just the one student was saying that she had made that statement about the article but multiple were. To me, that at least would show that something was discussed. Personally, even I felt a bit disenchanted by the experience. I just feel that the student was wronged in this instance and it wasn't fair.
Maybe I should have still talked to the teacher, but I had a few reasons. First of all, that was my last day and I had to leave early to get my finger prints done. I didn't really have much time. But that aside, I really feel like it should be the student who brings it up. This is the time when they need to start thinking for themselves and taking responsibility. If she felt wronged, then she needs to do something about it. And that is why I chose to talk to her and encourage her to speak with her teacher. I am not a fairy godmother who can make all things better in the world. (Although wouldn't that be cool?)
On a positive note, I did help out another student in this way. One day we were chatting during breakfast time and she mentioned getting a zero for missing a clarinet lesson. She was a little upset about this because she hadn't realized that she had a lesson. I encouraged her to talk to the band teacher and explain that she didn't realize she was supposed to have a lesson and wanted to make it up. I told her that it might not work, but it was better to try than not to. A few days later she was excited to tell me that she had spoken with the band teacher and had a lesson that afternoon. So now she knows that if she speaks up for herself, it can end up being worthwhile.
I guess my point is that it is hard to witness the pain adolescents go through. But it is something that will always happen. I would rather have them learn that they can help themselves than think that they always need to rely on others to do things for them. Maybe it's not a perfect solution but it makes me feel a little better about it all.
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